She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Of course I have a pirate flag
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
