so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
