just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
