My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
