You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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