dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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