Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Randomize
