she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
