I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
