i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
