Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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