I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
