How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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