we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
