I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
