U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
