hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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