Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
