She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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