yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
