I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
