from now on my penis is your penis
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
