remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
