There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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