Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
