Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
