his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
