Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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