If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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