someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
