My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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