no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
