Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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