1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
