apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
