mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
