I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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