I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
