Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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