Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
