dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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