He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
