i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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