you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
