On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
