Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
