1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
