the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Small penises have feelings too.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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