He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
