he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
