its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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