why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
