so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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