Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
